One. Long. Bus ride.

I feel like I am spending my life always looking for a sign that I am on the right track; making the right choice for what God wants me to do. I am constantly looking for clear signs, and I worry that I might misread them when they seem a bit muddy. Do you do ever feel like that?I have always and forever been a color-inside-the-lines kind of person, and so change is hard for me. (..it all goes back to trust) I like stability, for the most part. That is not to say that I am not a risk taker, but I am cautious. I am an over-thinker.The past two and half years have been a series of doors closing and opening, of do-overs and try-it-another-ways. I can look back and see the long, winding, meandering path I have been traveling that has taken me from that that first petrified moment of being suddenly single, to to the fork in the road of figuring out what new way I will find to earn a living after a job lay off, to where I am now, in the uncertain economy, wearing lots of different hats, not sure at all of anything. (Talk about insecure times- I'm not even sure where I should live.) Paralleled with this I can see all of the many ways I have grown- both personally and spiritually, and I am wondering if I have what it takes to make the right choice in the next decisions coming my way.You know, our perspective on how big of a risk something might be varies, depending on our age I think. What would seem like a no-brainer to someone at, say, 26, is a big deal at the age of 52. For example, I've realized that I am obsessed with the notion of having a job with paid benefits like healthcare and the security of a guaranteed paycheck (regardless of how tiny it might be, it is constant) which in turn, led me to my current job choice, and continuing to live in the biggest little city, as opposed to daringly following my passion of creating, writing, and entrepreneurship full time, possibly even doing so up in my beloved PTown. At 24, my choice might have been entirely different, although I am not quite sure.Does that make it a good choice? A bad choice? Everything we do is a decision made. Doing nothing is really doing something, if that makes any sense.I have several opportunities in front of me right now, some big and some small, but each of them would alter the path I am currently on in my life. There doesn't appear to be any clear sign (that I can see anyway) directing me on which path to take. Friends and family all have good advice and opinions to share and that makes the choices before me all the more difficult and unclear. All I know is that some choices on the list feel much riskier (er..more risky?) than to keep doin' what I'm doin' and that takes me way out of my comfort zone. I am not at all sure that I can hit the restart button for a third time and succeed.I keep saying that I know I am not the one driving the bus, I am to trust and not worry, but...well, it's just so much easier said than done. I long for my life to be easy again. I am guessing that I haven't let loose of the steering wheel all the way, and that's what the hold up is. Man, this is one long busride.